Monsters Inc.

Watching sci-fi extravaganza Cloverfield on my living room TV was as post-modern and post 9-11 as my Sunday night got. Staggeringly imaginative and stupidly ambitious with a camcorder effect that wouldn’t look out of place in knock-off Nigel’s DVD collection, it got me asking …have I missed Antiques Roadshow? But more importantly, JJ Abraham’s, why let an alien creature destroy New York again? To be fair he did include references to his extraterrestrial fetishes, including an original King Kong still lasting 0.2 seconds.

Yes of course, those planes, those terrorists, that war, etc. I understand, after 2001 terror is mirrored with filmic terriorism and heroics, but I don’t remember Osama Bin Laden going to Skull Island to piss off King Kong in 1933 (his hiding place?). Why did an angry ape take his doll to the top of the Empire in NYC, it’s not the film capital or the real capital of the US, but ever since the birth of comic books and crackled film reel it’s been home for the hero and a target for the villan.

Other countries have their own particular Martian hotspots. Japan has a steady economy in the market of monsters and disaster-developers. When nuclear bombs smacked Nagasaki/Hiroshima, some landed astray in the Asian Pacific creating atomic creatures like Godzilla, who the US government still hasn’t admitted responsibility for, tut-tut, but why do they all hit the same typecast towns like Tokyo? Easy, media attention, Godzilla may be ugly but he’s not stupid, he’s already had two biopics, (beat that Ray), the last movie took place in 1998 America and no guesses for which city. At the time the Japanese Prime Minister said, “Godzilla is no longer welcome in Tokyo and he will have to give back his oversized key of the city.” Well, I’m pretty sure he said it, but the government has for sure acknowledged it.

My worries are for the monsters, with such little ambition, how can world domination succeed? I saw The Incredible Hulk this summer, no wonder he was angry, he looked like a green Robinson Crusoe stuck on a tiny island (Manhattan), plus the movie was garbage.

Since 2001, global warming has battered the Big Apple in The Day After Tomorrow and four evil witches recently brought sex to the city. So my idea would be to create a sort of ‘Union for Monsters Affected by Nuclear or Hollywood Malpractice’ (MANHM), so they can plan well and spread themselves out for better press coverage….

…. Hold on, a Sex & the City sequel’s been announced? Ruin that fucking town.