Response to Quinny's adverts

My friend Quinny makes a fine point in all of his blogs, and someone a fine husband one day. But I was writing lots of feedback, silly jokes, and tattle in his comment box when I felt it deserved its own blog. So let's call this a semi-homage to the themes Quinn brilliantly picked out.

Let's go through some of your adverts Quinn, as I felt they needed some analysis.....


Are you kidding me. First off, I don't care where the milkmen come from, that's unhygienic - being in someone's cereal.
"I've Got The Power’ is only heard in gay-bars (so I’ve been told). I’m sure It's never played in 9-5 society, and I'm as sure as Sugapuffs make your wee smell, that I’ve never heard it over breakfast.

As for the Argos ad - ‘At Argos we make a little less fuss’……talk about the understatement of the fucking year! The only gift-wrap you get is when an employee leaves his subway wrapper in that overly bright bag they give you. And I like to think that if you play the advert backwards Steven Fry is actually speaking Latin and saying "I'd never shop here, it's ghastly". To finish my Argos analysis I'd like to quote Michael McIntyre's view regarding the bingo system/in-store collection point: "It's the theatre for poor people"

Quinn. You made a sound argument about the porn/food advert regarding M&S, but did you ever see the video you uploaded all the way through? toward the end it cuts to a scene where it sounds like that punk Peparami off TV has car jacked and kidnapped someone. Well, he is a bit of an animal…

As for Northern Dad! Well, he’s Dave Ellison (my dad), Ray Quinn (Quinny’s dad) and Peter Kay rolled into one. Yes like that Jason Manford fella. There’s a couple of Northern Dad’s in adverts now I admit, but I fear it’s due to the credit crunch, advertisers just can’t afford thespians in the current economic climate.

Weetabix - Britains ..
Watch the ad...

And as for this Weetabix advert being voiced by a Northerner, well, I think it’s dangerous. Do advertisers not know that Northerners count Fish and Chips as 2 of their 5-a-day?

Woah! This cancer research advert stuff. All the women on it said they were invited to the event, but I don’t even know if they went? Surely if they were that excited they’d be running past a park bench rather than getting their hair done. Maybe they're getting a Goody. Does the advert want me to pick them out of that massive crowd at the end? I’ve no time for that. And it’s a bit sexist anyway.

REVIEW: WATCHMEN

OK, so finally out of development hell and creator Alan Moore isn’t watching the Watchmen. But neither is anyone under 18 because from the opening apartment-wrecking scene where you hear bones breaking, its clear to see that director Zack Snyder, 18-rating in tow, has stuck to the acclaimed graphic novel - where a group of masked vigilantes once heroes, now outlawed are being killed off by a unknown assassin, in an America on the brink of Nuclear war led by Richard Nixon… who got four more years!

As the opening credits roll Synder demonstrates his move away from 300’s purely green screen, mixing it devilishly onto real, almost touchable sets, quickly highlighting a bleak society that bleeds and cries to a pumping rock soundtrack. But that’s its only weapon. It gets the pictures to move. After about an hour of frame-for-frame imitation, the novel wears off.

Lucky then, that the performances are outstanding from a fairly unknown bunch who treat Moore’s characters like they’ve known them their whole lives. Particularly Patrick Wilson, Billy Crudup and Jackie Earle Haley as Nite Owl II, Dr. Manhattan and the pitch perfect husky anti-hero Rorschach.

Another plus are the fight scenes. The jailbreak midway through spills guts with gusto, lending heavily on the dry humour encapsulated in the comic to take a breather from storyline.

Even at over two hours, the plot is fitted into such a short time that even fan boys will wish they were reading it so they could skip back a couple of pages. Because of the time-factor the ending may disappoint faithful fans that want to see ‘the squid’. Perhaps if Miramax were producing, Synder would of cut it in two and an explanation could be given, worthy of a more mutant ending. But first-timers who keep up with the plot certainly won’t mind.

Except for ‘the Squid’, Synder shows the famously unfilmable is filmable and should be happy that not many could of done a better job. But like many remakes before it, it just aint’ the original and you can actually judge a book by it’s cover as its always better than the DVD.

4 Stars

Joe E

SUPER-DOG OR SUPER VILLAIN?

When I saw this video of the dog saving the other dog, I thought I had a new hero. Or at least a fury one. I like to throw the word 'hero' around somewhat freely, but really I thought this mutt was the dealy. Then I watched it again without the sound on…

The muteness changed everything. It didn’t look right. Why was the injured canine on the road in the first place? And more importantly why was the ‘hero dog’ (Lets say its a guy dog, and lets call him Rex) so close behind the unfortunate. Was he being chased? Or even worse, was he set up? Did we even see the driver? It could have been Rex himself. Then when he’s sped from the scene, pulled over, paws on the brakes and went back to get his dinner.

And when he gets to his sprawled out prey, he looks around for witnesses, (check it out!) he looks in both directions, not for cars but for witnesses. Then the authorities find them, and now like Gary Sinse from the movie Ransom, I bet Rex is taking all the credit, getting badges of honour and a sweet TV deal, hoping the other dog never wakes from his coma.

Lets hope there's a 24-hour guard in that veterinary clinic, because I maybe getting carried away but it is a dog eat dog world.

GRANITE THEFT AUTO

Having taken History at GCSE level I am qualified to say that the smudging of dirt to read: ‘CLEAN ME’ on cars goes back to the 14^th century. I didn’t turn up for most of the A-level classes so I can offer no explanation how or why this happened. But it did.

On the march between train stations in Wigan last month (just over the road if your wondering) I saw the back of a passing van had OUTTATIME written in a big mud font (it’s the licence plate on The Dolorean from Back to the Future). I was smitten with some early morning 80s movie referencing.

Walking in the same town the following week I noticed a van had flames on its side. The driver was in little danger as someone had sketched them with a digit or two. All it needed was a coat of Tom-Cruise-Days-of-Thunder advertising and racing stripes to finish the job. I was delighted for the man inside, who probably didn’t even know.

I took the two offences as coincidence thinking it’s perhaps a Wigan thing. After all, it’s an industrial Northern town that’s proud of its smoggy roots and celebrated dirt-collecting history.

But today…my jaw literally didn’t hit the floor (as that is impossible). I saw again in Wigan, a van with a spacehopper - complete with eyes – etched on its back end. Now I couldn’t ignore the truth anymore, I had to admit that there is a muddy Banksy running around Greater Manchester.

I know it sounds crazy but I think ‘Manksy’ is highlighting rising pollution levels that cause the world harm. He’s an eco fighter with Michael J Fox referencing and what’s more? He’s moved up a level. The spacehopper had detail in the eye that a thumb could never pass off. Manksy fingernails have dug new ground and we need him in our lives.

Ok so I’m essentially saying we need more criminals, but this is a fun crime, and they’re usually ok, it’s one step ahead of throwing pic’n’mix at strangers but doesn’t cross the line into happy-slapping territory - undoubtedly the cause of Broken Britain.

Hold on to your hats, I’m going to coin a phrase to help boost the profile of this rogue vigilante Manksy - ‘Granite Theft Auto’. I’ve submitted it on Urban Dictionary so it’s too late to stop me. Currently it sits in the lap of the moderators. Like Batman, Manksy needs to be hounded by the police so people will know environmental risks. WARNING: Do not attempt to copycat this urban hero. Greater Manchester doesn’t need have-a-go-Citroen Picasso Picasso’s.